His Hand
by Liv Cassidy
Summary: It all started with "the hand"...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I just had to do it, since it doesn't look like anyone else is going to do it. This story will start off very similar to **_**Second Chance**_** but will go down a completely different route. If you're a Bensidy fan, though, do check out **_**Second Chance**_**. It's a little darker than this story, though. This story is taken from the view that it was Brian's hand we saw in **_**Presumed Guilty**_**. I truly do believe (and pray) the hand belongs to Brian Cassidy.**

**WARNING: This is my very first attempt at a Mature story, so bear with me as I ease into it.  
**

_His Hand_

Her eyes closed as she savored the moment, still in disbelief that she was actually kissing him. Their lips pressed together, and she felt him kissing back. His lips were chapped and dry from the medication. She licked his lips with her tongue, attempting to wet them for him. When she released her lips from his and gazed into his brown eyes, he whispered, "That was nice."

"Just nice?" Olivia said, blushing with a smile on her face.

"Okay, maybe more a little more than nice. Can you do it again?" He smiled at her with hopeful eyes. She laughed, and she bent over him again and kissed his forehead, his cheek, and finally his lips again.

"Are you happy now?" she asked with a laugh.

"Oh, you have no idea. I've only dreamt of this moment for twelve years. Except the conditions were a little…nicer…for example, I wasn't in a hospital bed…"

She grinned, admiring his humor for the situation.

"You know, Brian," she said, gently grabbing one of his hands with both of hers. She kissed it, and continued, "I meant what I said. I'm not the same person I was twelve years ago. I was so naïve and selfish back then. To be honest, I hate who I was back then."

"Why's that?" Brian asked her, raising an eyebrow and stroking her right palm.

"I shouldn't have led you on…" Olivia trailed off, not sure how to explain herself. Because that's exactly what she'd done. She'd used him for her own sexual gratification. That night had gone against everything she believed in. Afterward, she'd felt so guilty about breaking her personal rule of sleeping with coworkers. She'd tried so hard to pretend it hadn't happened, so she told herself that it meant nothing.

"Damn right, you shouldn't have," Brian murmured and added, "But I've forgiven you. I figure….if we were meant to be, and then we would be…"

"If I hadn't been so focused on following the rules at the time, who knows what we could have been…" Olivia murmured. "Brian, I'm not a goodie-two-shoe anymore. I was a rookie then, and all I cared about was keeping my job. I'm not like that anymore. This job has been all I've had for years, but sometimes I wish I had something more…"

"Like what, Liv?" Brian asked.

"Like…I don't know…a family," Olivia answered. "Fuck, I'm almost forty-five years old, and what do I have to show for myself? I've taken hundreds of pedophiles off the street. What're they going to put on my tombstone: 'Bad-Ass Benson'?"

"Well, you are bad-ass," Brian said with a chuckle. Olivia raised an eyebrow. "But I get where you're coming from. I feel the same way…I just wasted three years of my life undercover. It's no wonder I…" He didn't finish, but Olivia knew where he was going. _It's no wonder I started banging Carissa. _She didn't care to know the details about that. She felt her heart racing with jealousy toward Carissa.

The room was silent for the following moments. Olivia gazed into Brian's eyes and kissed him again. "So, you and me…?" she whispered in his ear. "Do we want to really do this?"

"Liv, do you have to ask me?" Brian asked. "I told you. I've wanted it for twelve years. It's you who didn't want me…"

"Don't make me feel worse than I already do," Olivia said, frowning. "How can I ever make those twelve years up to you?" She kissed his forehead.

"Well…" Brian's lips formed a girlish smile. "I have an idea, but I don't think you're going to be able to do it in the hospital…ask me that question again once I've been released."

"Uh-oh," she giggled, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. "Something tells me that I'm going to enjoy making up those years to you…" She patted his head and kissed him again.

"That's the plan," Brian said. "But you know we still have one problem…"

"What's that?"

"Your partner pointed a _gun _to my head, Olivia. I don't want to imagine what he'd do if he knew that you and I were…_together_…God, you have no idea how much I like the sound of that word."

She laughed. "You're right, Nick doesn't exactly like you. Perhaps we should keep this…you and me…a secret for now?"

"I like that idea. If it means saving a bullet from entering my skull, let's do it. Plus, it will be fun…sneaking around…" His smiled mischievously.

"Fun, indeed," Olivia responded, slightly unsure of how fun it would actually be. She remembered several months ago when she and David had attempted a secretive relationship. Obviously, it hadn't lasted, and people had found out eventually. However, Brian wasn't David. For one, he wasn't a conflict of interest. They didn't work together, and he didn't oversee her cases, so there were no laws saying they couldn't date. "But you know eventually people are going to find out. Nothing stays a secret forever…"

"And we'll cross that bridge when we have to, but for now let's just savor us…no one else needs to be part of us," Brian said with a twinkle in his eye. "For now, let's be NYPD's best kept secret."

"You're right," she smiled, kissing his hand. "Here's to us."

_ONE WEEK LATER_

The doctors had finally released Brian from the hospital. They'd kept him longer than anticipated because due to the severity of his wounds. He'd also suffered from internal bleeding. During his hospital stay, he had begun physical therapy. Olivia had managed to sneak a visit to the hospital every day. Surprisingly, no one in the squad, particularly Nick, seemed suspicious. She ensured to visit Brian in the morning before going into the station, that way she didn't have to slip away during the day. One day, she'd almost lost track of time and had been late to work. No one said anything, though.

Luckily, Brian was being released on a Saturday, which was her day off anyway. She was hoping not to get receive any unexpected calls. The worst part of her job was she was on call, even on her days off. She'd known what she was getting into when she signed up, and normally she didn't care. Of course, her job had been her life for so many years.

She wheeled Brian out to her car. Normally her car was stationed in a parking garage. She didn't drive it often, but she decided today was a special occasion. Brian was being released from the hospital, and her driving would be easier than waiting for a cab to pick them up at the hospital.

"Well, where should we go?" she looked at Brian in the passenger's seat. She reached out and grabbed his hand, and their lips met. Kissing Brian was never going to get old, Olivia had decided. There was something about his lips.

"Well, I moved all my stuff to my mom's when I went undercover. I don't really have a place of my own…"

"Then my place it is," Olivia laughed, holding onto his hand with her right hand and driving with her left hand.

When they arrived at her apartment, Olivia insisted she open the door for Brian. She helped him out of the vehicle. She could tell that he was still very sore. She gripped onto his arm as they made their way to her apartment. When they were inside, she faced him, and he was laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked.

"The way you were gripping onto me as we were coming in…I didn't want to say anything because I was enjoying it too much, but I'm not crippled, Liv. I can walk for myself. My chest is sore, but my legs and arms function just fine…"

"Oh," Olivia blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck, trying not to squeeze him too tightly. "I just wanted to be sure you were all right." She pecked him on the lips.

"Ow!" he scowled, and she jetted off him as fast as she could.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried in a panic. "Are you okay?" She could see the pain in his face.

"Yeah, fine…I've got a high pain tolerance level."

Olivia smiled, giggling. "Sure you do, considering you just screamed like a girl."

"Oh, hush you," Brian laughed and wrapped his arms around her. She could tell he was favoring his right side as he hugged her. "Do you have any movies? That sounds like something safe we could do and still cuddle."

"I think I have a few. Have you seen Devil?"

He let go of her and appeared curious. "No, I don't think I have. What's it about?"

"Well, it's about some people stuck in an elevator. I think you'll like it."

"I wouldn't mind being stuck in an elevator…as long as I'm with you," Brian insisted.

"I don't think you want to be stuck in this elevator," Olivia said, laughing. She walked to her television and pulled the movie out of her drawer. She turned on the television and put the movie in the DVD player. In the meantime, Brian sat down on the couch. Olivia grabbed the remote and joined him. She sat on his left side, the side he wasn't injured, and he wrapped his arm around her. She leaned his head into his shoulder and pressed pray.

The started to play, and Olivia placed her hand on Brian's leg. He gazed toward her and whispered, "You're so beautiful."

"Thanks," she said. "You're not bad looking yourself, considering the circumstances. But you're going to miss the movie if you're looking at me."

"What's wrong with that?" Brian smiled, kissing her. Their tongues intertwined as they explored each other's mouths. She licked her tongue against his teeth, and he gently nibbled on her lip. She noticed her heart pace start to quicken, and her hand landed on his waist. Her hand traveled down his leg and that's when she felt his boner.

His hands ran down her stomach and underneath her shirt. The touch of his hands sent tingling sensations all over her body. As his hand edged closer to her sensitive body part, she found herself losing control. The blood gushed through her veins faster, and her body was throbbing for more.

Soon his hand entered her pants, and her body twitched. He rubbed his hand gently against her clitoris, and the tension soared throughout her body.

"Oh, Brian," she moaned.

"If you want to watch the movie, I'll stop," he whispered seductively.

"No, don't stop," she begged, and he rubbed her clitoris faster. Her butt and legs tensed, and then he moved to enter her with his two fingers.

"Damn, Liv, you're so wet…and we're not even naked."

"Fuck, Brian, you just turn me on so much…"

He pulled out of her and began to unbutton her pants, and the movie was long forgotten…


	2. Chapter 2

_Several Months Later…_

_(December 2012)_

Time passed, and Brian and Olivia remained NYPD's best-kept secret. Brian leased an apartment of his own, to be on the safe side, but the couple managed as many nights together as possible. Two weeks after Brian was released from the hospital, he returned to Narcotics. Their schedules were busy, and often conflicted each other, but Brian and Olivia were determined to make their relationship last.

There was something different about Brian Cassidy. Olivia couldn't quite put her finger on it. She'd never felt more secure in a relationship. "Sneaking around" had become her M.O., but Brian wasn't David. Their very different units allowed for them never to run into each other. Sure, there were times that Special Victims collided with Narcotics, but it hadn't happened since they'd begun seeing each other. She knew that didn't mean it wouldn't happen eventually, but like Brian always said, "They'd cross that bridge when necessary."

Olivia inserted her apartment key into her door. It had been a long week, and she hadn't sleep in two days. A twelve-year-old girl had assaulted a fellow classmate. As it turned out, she was pregnant with the classmate's father's child. It had been a messy case, but they'd finally collared the father and he'd hopefully never see the light of day again.

Her heart melted when she opened the door and found Brian sitting at her kitchen table. They'd exchanged apartment keys. There was only one other person who had ever had a key to her apartment. He still had her old apartment key, but she'd moved since they'd last spoken. Even though he had left without saying goodbye, she still trusted that he would never try anything. That was the past, and she'd already forgiven Elliot for leaving how he did. If he hadn't left, she could certainly bet that she wouldn't be with Brian now. He always had a way of keeping her from dating. Now that he was out of her life, she was a free woman.

"Brian! I wasn't expecting to see you!" she gasped with excitement. He stood and wrapped his bear arms around her and greeted her with a peck on the lips.

"Well, I was off work and thought I'd surprise you," he said, releasing her and gripping her hands, gazing wholeheartedly into her eyes. "You look like you haven't slept since I saw you two days ago."

She breathed a sigh. "That's because I haven't."

"You know that's not good for you," Brian said in a concerned tone.

"I know, but it's not like I had a chance…I'll tell you about it later. Right now, all I want to do is lie down. I'm sorry you have to see me like this," she said, yawning. She began walking toward the bedroom, and he trailed behind.

"I'm not sorry," he responded. "As long as I get to see your gorgeous face, even if you're asleep, I'm happy."

She laughed at his corniness as she stripped her clothes and dressed herself in something more comfortable. Right now, she was satisfied wearing sweatpants and a bra. She plopped into the bed. Brian took his shirt off and lay beside her. Olivia buried her face in his chest, and felt as his heart throbbed against her cheek bone. She gently ran her hand over his left nipple and sucked on it lightly. He massaged her shoulders with his thumb.

"Oh, that feels so good, Brian," she whispered, looking into his twinkling eyes, kissing him on the lips. "I'm sorry I'm so tired."

"Don't apologize for your body's natural reaction to sleep deprivation," Brian said, chuckling.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too."

She dozed off for a solid six hours. When she woke, her head wasn't on Brian's chest. Instead, a soft pillow cushioned her head. "Brian?" she murmured, raising her head and looking around the room. He was gone. She positioned herself in an upright position and stretched her arms. Where had he gone? Maybe he had gotten bored of watching her sleep and decided to leave. She wouldn't blame him.

The cool air chilled her shoulders as she removed the covers from her body. She slid off the bed and threw on a long-sleeved shirt. As she stood closer to her bedroom door that led to the living room, she heard voices. Was someone in her living room? Several months ago her first reaction would have been to grab her gun, but she realized it must be the television. Brian must have decided to watch television.

She entered the living room and found Brian lying on her couch. She'd never reached this level of comfort with any of the other guys she'd dated. She merely smiled at him, and he raised his head and smiled back. "You're up, baby." He sat up and motioned for her to come join him on the couch. She complied and rested her head on his forehead as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Did you sleep well, gorgeous?"

"I did," she answered.

"While you were sleeping, I got hungry and made some spaghetti. There are leftovers in the refrigerator if you're interested," he told her.

"I might have to take you up on that offer," Olivia smiled, kissing him on the forehead. "Thank you." Brian was also the first guy she'd dated who cooked for her, or actually knew how to cook, for that matter. David had always insisted on going out to eat. She didn't know if it was because he didn't know how to cook or if it was the convenient aspect of restaurants. Brian insisted on cooking frequently. Also, if they cooked at home, they both knew there was no chance of someone spotting them in public.

"No problem, sweetheart," he said. She smiled and glanced at the television to see that he was watching Hardcore Pawn. It was one of his favorite shows.

She heated a bowl of the spaghetti in the microwave and took a seat at the dining room table to eat. Brian turned off the television and joined her at the table.

"So, do you want to tell me about the case that had you up for two days straight?" he asked.

She swallowed a big bite of spaghetti and sighed, "Not particularly, but it started with us being called to a middle school because a twelve-year-old girl had removed the pants of a fellow classmate and attempted to cut his penis off. Luckily, a teacher walked in before she could do any real harm."

"Wow! What drove her to do that?"

"It turns out the boy's father was a teacher at the school, and he raped her, along with some other girls, and she was pregnant with the dad's child. Brian, I've seen a lot of cases, but this one really disturbed me…"

"Yeah, that's fucked up, Liv."

"Sometimes I don't know how I can go on with my life, knowing about all the disturbing things in the world. I think it's a good thing I don't have a child. I would hate to bring a child into this disgusting world," Olivia said.

"The world isn't all bad," Brian replied, grabbing her hand and rubbing her palm. "You've just got to have your eyes open, and I think you'd be a wonderful mother."

"Even good mothers can't protect their children from everything. You can't be with your child at all times."

She frowned. There was a point in her life she'd been so heart strung on having a child, but that time had passed. The adoption agency she had applied for denied her, and she realized that she wasn't cut out to be a mother. It was impossible for her to raise a child in this world when she worked such long hours. Brian's hours were just as bad. Two police officers couldn't raise a child without the child growing up in daycare, and that's when awful things happened to children: when their parents weren't around to supervise them. She was happy with how things were now. Brian gave her all the happiness she needed.

Brian grunted and didn't reply. He'd hinted several times that he wanted a child, but he hadn't come out and said it to her face. It was a touchy topic, so it hadn't come up. They continued to use condoms, and Olivia religiously took her birth control. Double protection had always been important to her. She didn't want any accidents. Recently, she had considered going off her birth control, because she knew she was approaching menopause. Her periods were becoming more irregular. Sometimes she wouldn't have them for three or four months at a time. Hot and cold flashes would hit her randomly. She'd considered going to the doctor to see if she was even still fertile, but part of her was scared of those results.

"So, besides gruesome cases, has anything else exciting happened at work?" Brian asked.

"Well," Olivia said, swallowing another bite, "Fin and Melinda are planning a big Christmas Eve bash at the morgue."

"Well, that sounds like a tasteful party!" Brian responded with a laugh. "What, you're going to have dead body parts as ornaments on your Christmas tree?"

Olivia laughed. "God, I hope not. I thought it was a weird place, too. I suggested we have it at the precinct, but Fin and Melinda are determined to have the party at the morgue. Melinda's all into the situational irony."

"That's definitely situational irony," Brian insisted. He then raised a brow, "When's the party going to be?"

"A few days before Christmas Eve, I believe they said. Why? You know I'd love for you to come, Brian, but that means disclosing our relationship…"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to face your partner yet," Brian replied, crossing his arms. "I like what we have now, Liv, and I do want to come public about our relationship. But not at a Christmas party in the morgue…"

"Yeah, that might be a little awkward," Olivia agreed.

"I do think we should go public after New Year's, though," Brian said softly.

"Why New Year's?" Olivia asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Well, Liv, I was going to wait to surprise you on Christmas Eve, but I think now is as good of time as any to tell you. Plus, I want to make sure you save the date..." He walked over to his coat on the hanger and reached into his pocket, pulling out an envelope. By then, Olivia had finished her spaghetti. She took the bowl over to the sink and then walked toward Brian. Her heart was racing.

"What did you do, Brian?" she whispered, taking the envelope from his hand.

"Open it," he smiled.

She tore into the envelope and pulled out two pieces of paper then read the words on the rectangle piece of paper. _The __Bahamas, 12/24/12, 8:00 PM_

"Brian, is this…is this what I think it is?" she gasped.

"Two two-way tickets to the Bahamas," Brian smiled. "You always have talked about how you wanted to travel the world, and I thought this would be the perfect way to spend a romantic Christmas Eve…just the two of us. I hope you like it, because they're non-refundable."

"Oh, Brian!" she gasped, still in shock, and wrapped her arms around him. She began to plant kisses all over his face. "I love it! But…but, oh my, God. How am I going to get away from work without people questioning?"

"Just tell them you're going on a vacation with a friend. No harm in that," Brian replied, shrugging and then wrapping his arms around her waist.

She laughed. "Like that's going to go over well. They all know I have no friends outside of the unit."

"Hey, everyone's entitled to a private life, Liv. Even you," he smiled, kissing her forehead.

"I guess you're right," she agreed. "That's a new concept for me…a private life."

"I know it is, Liv," he said. She set the tickets down on the table and kissed his lips.

"Thank you, Brian. I can't wait until Christmas Eve."

"Me either, but for now, let's savor the moment…"

He kissed her forehead then lifted her off the ground. He carried her into her bedroom and tossed her on the bed, then landed on top of her. Their lips met for a passionate kiss. She moaned in pleasure. He gradually began to move his kisses down her body, as he worked her shirt off. She landed her hands on his back and gradually worked his shirt off. He was unfastening her bra as she unbuttoned his pants. He tossed her bra on the floor, and she slid his pants off the bed. He was digging into her pants and sucking on her nipples at the same time. Their clothes were scattered around the room, and Brian's tongue was doing circles around her belly button. Tingling sensations crawled throughout her body, as she savored the pleasure.

"Oh, Brian, please suck my clit," she moaned, patting his head like he was a dog.

"Anything you wish, beautiful," he whispered, moving his lips down, kissing her upper pelvic region. His hands grabbed and gently stroked her butt. His lips landed on her lower lips and she let out a loud moan. He kissed her lower lips, and swished his tongue inside her and she screamed.

"Brian, oh, God, that feels so good! FUCK!"

His lips hovered over her clitoris and the tension built in her butt and legs. His tongue pedaled around her clit, and she grabbed onto the bedframe as the tension moved to her back and arms.

"Fuck, fuck, SHIT."

She couldn't control herself any longer as she panted, the sweat dripped from her forehead.

"I'm gonna cum, baby, fuck, I need you inside me…"

"Shit, let me get a condom."

"No, I want you inside me NOW," she cried, entirely caught in the moment. Besides, she truly didn't think she was fertile anyway. She didn't want to tell him that, though. "Forget the condom. I'm taking birth control, so we'll be okay."

"Anything for my lady," he whispered, and repositioned himself and began to thrust inside her.

When they were done, Olivia lay numb with her head on Brian's bare chest.

"I love you, Brian," she whispered. "No one can make me orgasm like you."

"I'm glad to be of service to you," Brian said, laughing.

"God, I was so stupid twelve years ago…"

"Oh, I see how it is. You're only seeing me for the sex."

"You know that's not true, Brian," Olivia said with a laugh, hoping he knew that.

A loud bang from her door interrupted the couple.

"Who the hell could that be?" Brian asked, petting Olivia's head.

Olivia shrugged. "Like hell if I know. Quick, get dressed and hide in the closet…just in case," she said, scrambling the room to find her scattered clothes. She quickly dressed herself and ran in the bathroom to neaten her sex hair. It wasn't perfect when she was done, but at least she didn't look like she'd just finished fucking.

She turned around in the bedroom and saw Brian hiding in the closet. She winked at him and raced toward the door. The person continued to pound. She turned the knob.

"Nick," she gasped, surprised to see her partner waiting for her.

"Hey, Liv," Nick said, raising a brow.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia demanded, widening her eyes. "I mean, don't take that offensively, I just wasn't expecting you. Where are my manners? Come in."

She opened her door and let him into her apartment.

"What, can't a partner who's in the neighborhood drop by and say hi to his partner?"

"Of course, but…"

"No, really, Liv. I dropped by to give you this. I'm surprised you didn't know that you'd left it at work…" He pulled out her iPhone and handed it to her. Olivia's heart dropped. She'd left her phone at work and hadn't even noticed! She hadn't even thought to look at it to see if anyone had called or texted.

She blushed. "Thanks, Nick."

"No problem, Liv," he said, looking around the room. He raised a brow. "Well, I should be going. I, uh, hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

He turned around and departed, and Olivia's heart raced. _He wouldn't, _she thought, thinking about the possibility that Nick had read through her messages. Of course, he wouldn't. She hadn't trusted him for the longest time, and she knew that he still questioned whether or not she trusted him. After the whole deal with Brian, her trust for him had crumbled slightly, but she'd gradually begun to rebuild that trust.

_He wouldn't. _

**I want to thank everyone who's reviewed! I know this is different than anything I've ever written before, so it is a challenge. Yet, it's fun to try something new. I like to challenge myself as a writer!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the reviews so far! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Personally, I feel it's pretty intense. **

She stared at her phone after Nick left to see if she had any missed calls or texts between leaving work and when Nick had arrived. Truthfully, she was slightly surprised when she saw all she had was one missed text from Brian. Rarely did her phone go eight hours without a phone call from her partner or captain. She released a sigh in relief, then she opened the text Brian had sent her just over eight hours ago.

_Hey, baby, I have a surprise for you. : ) _

Her heart warmed when she read the text, then her eyes landed on the time stamp. The message had been sent literally less than five minutes after she'd left work. She stared puzzled at her phone for a moment. Her phone had been on loud, and Nick had still been at the station when she'd left. How long ago had Nick discovered her phone, and why was he just returning it now? Had he just left the station? After two sleepless nights, why would he create another one? Olivia knew that Nick had been hurting over the past few months. His wife had left him and had taken their daughter with her. She couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him. She'd seen Elliot suffer through his separation with Kathy, and now Nick was going through a similar situation. After seeing her partners struggle with their professional lives conflicting with their personal lives, there was no wonder she never really attempted to have one. However, Brian wasn't like other guys. No guy she had dated, not even David Haden, understood exactly how important her job was to her. No other guy understood what she dealt with other day. Brian understood it because he had been there, and he was still a detective. No one understood a detective better than a detective. That's why she and Brian worked perfectly together.

She set her phone on the table and went back into the bedroom. Brian was still huddled in the closet.

"You can come out now," she said, giggling. He crawled out of her closet and wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth in his arms. They swayed their hips back and forth together in sync.

"Who was it?" he asked. "I thought I heard Nick's voice."

"That's because it was Nick," she said, swallowing the spit wad in her mouth. She saw the perplexed on Brian's face. "Apparently I left my phone at work. He stopped by to drop it off."

"Eight hours after you left work?" Brian said in his usual suspicious tone when they were discussing Nick. Olivia knew that Brian did not trust her partner. He'd suggested several times that she should request a new partner, but she'd insisted countless times that she knew Nick had good intentions and a good heart. She'd assured Brian that if she ever thought differently, she would request a new partner. Shortly after she and Brian had started dating, Nick himself had requested a new partner because he claimed he could sense Olivia didn't trust him. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She was just confused after the whole Ganzel case. She'd had her doubts, after working with Nick for a year and gaining trust toward him, then one case had completely messed with all their heads. Then, she heard about Nick's personal life. It all made sense, then.

"Brian, trust me, I thought the same thing, but…"

"But, what? Please, Liv, don't make excuses for him! The man pointed a gun to my head. He is _not_ trustworthy. He probably read through all your messages and now knows about us. Shit, I'd just texted you around the time you left work."

"I know, Brian. I saw it. I know how it looks, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. He probably worked late and dropped my phone off on his way home."

Brian raised his eyebrows high, and Olivia could tell he wasn't buying it.

"Believe what you want, Liv…"

"Look, I know you two had a rocky start, but Nick is really a good person. Maybe it wouldn't be a horrible idea for you guys to get to know each other a little better, because the fact is he's my partner, and I'm not requesting a new one. I trust him, and that should be enough for you."

"I have no desire to get to know him. Good person? Right, Liv. Let me guess, you'd rather have his cock inside you than mine?"

Olivia's jawline dropped with the shock running through her veins. Her heart raced and her face blistered with fury. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, Brian. I can't believe you just said that! Of course not! Nick is my _partner_, and I've never and would never think about him that way!"

"Just like you never thought about me that way, right?"

"Brian, that's totally different. One, we weren't partners. We just worked in the same unit. And two, whatever thoughts I had or did not have didn't stop me from banging you. Please, can we stop this, Brian? This is the most ridiculous argument we could possibly have, so I'm stopping it now."

In all honesty, she and Brian hadn't argued about much during the course of their relationship, but the mention of Nick's name always seemed to spring an argument. Olivia really wished that he could let the past go, but she understood why he couldn't. Nick had pulled a gun to his head, and it was hard to forgive that. Olivia in no way condoned what Nick had done, but she understood that Nick had been under high stress at the time and didn't trust Brian. She often thought that if she and Brian would go public and the men would take some time to get to know each other, and then they could settle their differences and possibly become friends. Maybe becoming "friends" was a long shot, but at least Brian wouldn't snap at the mention of Nick's name. It would make her life so much easier. Brian accusing her of wanting Nick in _that way _was the most ridiculous accusation he'd made already. If it came down to it, Olivia wasn't willing to choose between her partner and her love life. She'd already chosen work over a personal life too many times, and she didn't want to have to do it again. Brian was going to have to get over it. If Nick had read through her messages, at least he had been mature enough not to directly question her about it. Truthfully, Olivia thought that Brian was being immature about the situation.

"I'm sorry," Brian murmured. "What was I thinking? I know that you'd never bang him. He probably has a small dick."

Olivia held back a chuckle, not entirely in disbelief that Brian had just said those words.

"Honestly, it's not something I've ever thought about," Olivia said, wrapping her arms around Brian again, nuzzling his nose with hers. "But I like yours, and I would never trade it for another." He smiled proudly, and their lips met for a warm kiss. When their lips parted, Olivia said, "Now, I need a shower. I don't know if you've noticed, but I kind of smell."

He pressed his nose against her shoulder, and she felt him sniffing her like a dog. She giggled at his silliness.

"I don't notice any odor. You smell like, well, Olivia Benson."

"Well, uh, thanks. Does that mean I smell like body odor all the time?" Olivia asked, curiously raising an eyebrow, not sure what he'd meant.

"You smell delicious at all times, baby," Brian said, licking her neck. "I could just eat you right now. If this is body odor, then your body odor smells like candy."

She laughed and kissed his forehead. "Sorry, babe, but I'm not food, so you're going to pass. Now, I don't care what you say, but I still need a shower." She released herself from Brian and opened her drawer, pulling out clothes to change into when she finished showering. She looked and Brian, whose puppy dog eyes stared her down.

"What am I going to do while you shower?"

She released a sigh, setting her clothes on the bed and wrapping her arms around him again.

"Well," she whispered in his ear. "I guess you can join."

"I thought you'd never ask," he whispered back.

Their lips met passionately again, and he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bathroom. He ran his hands under her shirt and worked it off. Her fingers ran up his warm back as his shirt came off his back. Soon, they both stood naked in the shower. His erection rubbed against her backside as she turned on the warm water.

"Someone has a one-track mind," Olivia said, laughingly.

"Can you blame me?" Brian asked, kissing her neck with his arms around her and she felt his erection rubbing against her butt. Her heart began to beat faster as the tingling sensations throbbed throughout her body. The steam from the shower built up, and sweat dripped from her forehead.

"Oh, Brian," she moaned as he continued rubbing the outside of her butt crack. The sensitivity of the area released pleasure sensations throughout her entire body.

"At least you know I don't need Viagra to have sex with you," he laughed.

"Maybe you took it when you were in the closet," Olivia moaned, gripping to the floor of the shower as he entered her in the front.

"'Cause that's totally where I leave my Viagra, baby," Brian laughed, slowly beginning to thrust inside her. "Trust me. This erection isn't lasting four hours. Unless, of course…"

She wasn't paying attention to the words that were coming out of his mouth. Her thoughts were focused on the sensations raging throughout her body. Brian knew her so well that it never took long with him inside her. The water that landed on her body felt like vapor as she reached her climax. Her heart pounded vigorously, ready to pound out of her chest.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!" she released a shriek, "I'm cumming!"

"Fuck…I'm gonna cum, too…ooooh...," he grunted then released a loud moan.

"Inside…me…cum…inside…me…I need you…_fuck_…"

She felt the liquid dripping down her leg. The bathroom light had turned to prisms. Her head was spinning in circles as the tension released from her body. She heaved a loud sigh as he exited her. They both stood upright under the water and allowed it to beat against their heads, washing the sex away.

"How was the for make-up sex?" he said with a smile on his face.

She kissed his cheek. "Pretty damn good, but any type of sex with you is good."

"Now, I think you're just saying that," Brian said, laughing and grabbing the soap, beginning to rub the suds all over her back.

"I'm definitely not just saying that," Olivia said. "I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

Brian sucked gently on Olivia's neck as she blow dried her hair. They were both wrapped in their separate towels. Brian's arms embraced Olivia's waist, as he lightly nibbled on her neck. Her insides tingled, and she released an uncontrollable moan.

"Be careful," she whispered, and Brian released his lips from her neck. Olivia lifted her chin and took note to the red spot that had formed on her neck. Luckily, his teeth marks were not visible. She placed her finger on the spot and murmured, "Look what you did."

"It probably won't leave a mark," Brian insisted, running his own finger over it.

"That's what you said last time," Olivia chuckled, remembering just a few weeks ago when he'd done the same. Fortunately, it was nothing a turtle neck couldn't cover.

"I'm sorry," Brian said and seductively added, "But I like the taste of your neck." She held back a laugh, as he pecked her neck again.

"Well, my little vampire," she began, stroking his cheek with the hand that didn't hold her blow dryer, "As much as I enjoy receiving your love bites, I'm almost forty-five, not fifteen, and hickeys are no longer _cool _or professional."

"Says the girl who didn't get her first hickey until she was thirty," Brian said with a laugh, and Olivia blushed. It was true. Brian had been the first man to leave a hickey on her body, though it had been right below her collar bone. Fortunately, it was easily covered by her clothing.

"You know, I'm beginning to wonder if you want people to question where I've been. Since no one knows about us, they'll assume I'm sleeping around," Olivia insisted, not too keen on obtaining the "slut" reputation.

"Let people think what they want," Brian said, nuzzling her nose with his. "It's none of their business, Liv." And she knew that he was right, but he was also the one who had freaked out at the idea of Nick finding out. If anyone was going to notice the mark, it would be Nick. Nick was, for one, her partner. Because he was her partner, she spent the most amount of time with him in any given day. Olivia bit her tongue, for the sake of preventing another argument.

"You're right," was all she said. Her hair was as dry as it was getting. She lifted her hair back and looked intently at the mark on her neck. It was starting to bruise, as she suspected. She sighed, shaking her head. "Still, it's not professional." She reached for her make-up and patted some toner on her neck. Fortunately, the foundation blended in with her skin and the mark was no longer visible. "There." She proudly admired her work, and then continued to do the rest of her make-up as Brian left the room to get dressed.

Olivia dressed, and entered the bedroom just as her phone had started ringing. Brian had her phone in his hand. "Oh, you don't need to answer this."

"Brian," she said sternly, reaching for her phone. "Give it to me."

He pulled the phone away. "Oh, you'll be fine."

"Brian Fucking Cassidy, give me my damn phone!" she demanded. She loved him with all her heart, but he liked to pull this kind of shit all the time, and it pissed her off.

He pouted and gave in, handing her the phone. "Fine, have it your way."

Cragen's name, as she predicted, was printed on her screen. _Great, _Olivia thought, knowing that her captain wasn't calling for fun and games. In fact, he never did that. She knew before answering the call that she'd caught a case.

"Benson," she answered.

"Liv, this is going to sound weird, but trust me, it will make sense later," Cragen's voice pounded into her ear, and Olivia's eyes widened, wondering what could be so 'weird' that her captain had started out the call by telling her it was weird.

"What is it, Captain?"

"We've got a severed hand case. I need you to meet Nick at Dr. Warner's."

"What the fuck? A hand? How does this pertain to Special Victims?" Olivia asked, knowing that Cragen had said it was weird, but a _severed hand _had not crossed her mind. Special Victims Unit investigated cases that involved sex crimes and children. Unless the hand's fingerprints matched a rapist's or a victim's, she didn't see how the case was possibly relevant to her unit.

"Don't ask questions now, Liv. Just meet Nick at Dr. Warner's office and let her explain. Trust me, Liv; this is too weird for me to explain over the phone."

"Please tell me it's the hand of a perp's," she murmured.

"It may be, but I'll leave that up to you and Nick to find out. Now, go. Nick's waiting for you."

She didn't bother to say goodbye and ended the call. She looked up at Brian's big brown puppy dog eyes. He curled his lip, pouting. "Let me guess," he grunted. "You caught a case? I heard something about a hand."

"Apparently there's a severed hand at Warner's office waiting for me."

"That's fucked up. How is that Special Victims?"

"All I can say is, it better be a perp's hand," Olivia sighed, exiting the bedroom to grab her coat. Brian followed and grabbed his, too. She gave him a big hug, and kissed him on the forehead. "Not going to stay here, then, I take it?"

"Nah, I'm going to go to my place and catch a few hours of sleep before I have to go into work, I figured. If you get a break or something, feel free to text me."

"We'll see about that," Olivia laughed, who was even more hesitant to text Brian while at work because of the possibility of Nick reading her text messages. If he was going to do it, she figured he'd already done it. Today should give her a clue.

The couple parted, and not long after Olivia was walking into Dr. Warner's office. Nick and Melinda were standing over a severed, bloody hand.

"Hey, Liv," Nick greeted her.

"Hey, so what's going on? Whose hand is this?"

"Well, that's the thing," Melinda answered. "We don't know. I'm running the fingerprints now, so hopefully we'll get a match."

"Umm, if you don't know whose hand it is, then how is this Special Victims?" Olivia inquired.

"Well," Warner began, lifting up the fingers gently. "It's the nature of what we found on the hand. Olivia, fingers were covered in blood, and not the owner's blood."

"Okay, so do you think this hand committed a murder?"

"Well, it wasn't just any blood," Warner said. "The blood tested positive as being that of a woman's menstruation."

Disturbing images ran through Olivia's head, and then a completely unrelated thought ran across her brain. _Shit, _she had forgotten to take her birth control pill this morning. _Oh well, _she decided it wasn't too big of a deal, because she suspected she wasn't fertile anyway. She hadn't had her period in two months, and the period before that there had been a three month leap in her cycle. She was seriously considering just stopping it all together, since she'd been missing it so often. For a while, she'd been on the Depo shot but had decided to go off it last year when she'd gained so much weight. The good thing about the shot, though, was she hadn't had her period at all. Her doctor had told her that irregular periods were common after going off the shot, too, so that could explain her irregularity. She knew the weight gain was a side effect of the shot, so she'd decided to go off it and revert to the pill, even if it meant the return of her periods. She figured she didn't have too much longer to deal with them.

"So, what are we looking at here?" Olivia asked, shooting a glance at Nick and then Melinda. "A man fingering a woman who was on her period, then the woman decided to cut his hand off? Is there a chance this man could still be alive?"

"That's so disturbing," Nick's face showed disgust. "We've scanned all the hospitals in the area for a potential patient with a decapitated hand, and we came up blank."

"I can tell you that the hand was severed premortem," Melinda told the detectives. "And I'm running the blood on the fingers to see if it matches any DNA in the system. Until I get the results, there's not much I can give you."

"Well, give us a call when you have that information." Olivia turned to Nick. "Let's go back to the station, and you can fill me in."

On their way back to the station, Nick told her that the hand had been found by a dog in a pile of trash in Harlem about an hour ago. He'd just gotten back to the station, apparently, when the call came in. Olivia's head was spinning as she calculated the math. Nick had only been at her apartment about two hours ago. If that's the case, then he had gone right back to the station after leaving her apartment. He hadn't been on his way home at all.

"Nick," she began softly. "Did you sleep last night?"

"I slept in the cribs," he responded, coldly. "It's hard to sleep in an empty house."

"Oh, Nick, I'm sorry." Olivia remembered exactly how she'd felt after Calvin had been taken from her. For once in her life she'd gotten used to having someone in her apartment at all times: someone who needed her. Then, he was gone, and it had been so strange to go back to a quiet apartment. She'd been used to it before, after living alone for so many years. Now that she had gotten used to Brian being there, she hated the nights that he wasn't with her. He provided her warmth and security. Even though she knew that she could defend herself, and she always kept her weapon by her bedside, she felt safer with Brian by her side.

"Don't be. It's not your fault," Nick mumbled. "So, how was your twelve hours off?"

"Um, relaxing," Olivia answered with the truth.

"You looked pretty happy when I stopped over. I hope you don't think I'm prying, but was someone there?" His voice was full of suspicion, and when she didn't answer, he added, "It's all right if someone was. I'm not judging you, Liv."

"Okay, yeah, I had a friend over."

"In the bedroom, eh? New boyfriend?" he raised an eyebrow, and she bit her lip. Brian wasn't exactly a _new _boyfriend. They'd been together almost three months now. It was hard to believe that much time had passed since she'd kissed him in the hospital. She couldn't deny that the past three months had been the best of her life.

"I guess you can say that," Olivia responded hesitantly. Immediately, she wished she had lied, because now she'd just opened the door for more questions.

"I'm happy for you, Liv. You should bring him to the precinct and introduce him to the squad," Nick said, patting her on the back. "I know Fin and Munch are gonna want to meet him. We've gotta make sure he's treating you right, and that he understands that if he doesn't, he's gonna be a dead man. You're like a sister to all of us, Olivia." Nick winked. _He knows, _Olivia could tell. _The bastard. _Just in case she was wrong, she didn't want to say any more. If she mentioned the phone ordeal, then if by chance he didn't know, he'd become suspicious.

"Um, thanks, Nick. I can take care of myself, and I'd appreciate if you didn't say anything to anyone. I'm, um, waiting to introduce him to everyone, you know given my relationship history. I want to make sure it's going to last first."

"Your secret is safe with me, Liv," Nick said, grinning widely. "He's not a DA, is he?"

_So, he plays dumb?_

"No, Nick. It's perfectly legal for me to date him."

She knew that this wasn't going to be the end of Nick's questions._  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – **I have so many words of praise for Undercover Blue, and I'm just so happy that my ship has finally sailed! I just wish we'd seen more Bensidy scenes in it, so I'll try to get back to that as soon as possible here. I'm sorry for such a delay in updating this, but my life has been so chaotic lately. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll understand. Follow me at bensidyforever (I changed my name). You all know this story was started before we found out that Cassidy was demoted to officer, so I'm just going to play it off like he's still a detective like I started.

* * *

Her personal life was none of Nick's business, and she didn't know why he felt who she was with was so important. It had no bearing on his life. He was a great partner, but he had a habit of sticking his nose where it didn't belong. Her relationship with Brian really wasn't that big of a deal, but she knew that Nick was better off not knowing. She didn't want his reaction or his lecture. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, which he surely thought was the case. There were some things Nick didn't need to know. She knew that he wasn't fond of Brian, and she didn't need to hear it. She was an adult who was entitled to adult relations. What she and Brian had was between them. The more Olivia thought about it, though, the more Olivia wondered if Nick had really read her messages. If he'd seen Brian's name, she suspected he would have been a little more pressing to know more. He wouldn't want her to suspect that he'd gone through her phone, but at the same time, he would be more upset. Nick constantly feared that she didn't trust him, so perhaps he hadn't pried into her phone.

She watched Nick turn around and begin to read through a file. That's when Cragen entered the squad room and announced, "Okay, let's regroup. What do we have?"

"Well, Captain, it looks like Thing T. Thing turned up a little bloody," John said with a straight face. It was hard not to smirk at John's sense of humor.

"Right," Cragen remained straight-faced and turned to Olivia and Nick. "You two talked to Warner. What did she have for you?"

"Well, not much," Olivia responded, standing up and looking at her notes. "We're waiting on finger prints to come back from CSU and DNA on the blood."

"You'd think the fingerprints would be back already. I mean, come on, it's 2012. Marty McFly's 2015 involved flying cars. That's only three years away," Munch insisted.

"C'mon, Munch, the flying car isn't going to be invented until 2014. You've got to be patient," Nick said with a smirk on his face.

"When you're my age, Nick, you don't have time to be patient. You don't know if you're going be alive tomorrow," Munch said, shrugging.

"Okay, enough about flying cars," Cragen irritably cut in. Cragen was like Olivia's father. They were close, and Olivia trusted him wholeheartedly. However, Olivia knew that when his detectives didn't do their jobs upset him. He was a great boss, and Olivia wouldn't want to work for anyone else. When SVU had been assigned a temporary captain during Cragen's trial, Olivia wasn't sure how long she'd last at SVU. If Cragen hadn't been cleared, who knew what would have happened. SVU was her life, and she couldn't imagine working elsewhere, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Her co-workers were half the reason she'd stayed at SVU for so long.

"Sorry, Captain," Munch apologized, releasing a sigh. "In all seriousness, Captain, what we're trying to tell you is we've got nothing except a severed hand covered in a woman's period juice. Fin and Rollins are at the scene where the hand was discovered, and until we have Warner's results, there's not a whole lot we can do."

"Well, you all can start by joining Fin and Rollins at the scene," Cragen said.

Olivia stared wide-eyed at Cragen. "I'm sorry to conquer, Cragen, but what exactly do you expect us to find that Fin and Rollins won't?" It wasn't like her to contradict the captain's orders, but she had better things to do than dawdle around while they waited for forensic evidence to come back. She thought of Brian and wondered if he had been called into work. Was she actually missing him? Her neck tingled a little, and she carefully placed her finger on her neck, hoping the make-up was still covering the mark.

Cragen's eyes widened at Olivia's contradiction. He knew it wasn't like her, and he stared at her for a moment. "Liv, can I have a word with you in private?"

Her heart jumped as a certain defensiveness came over her.

"Yeah, sure," she murmured, and she followed Cragen into his office. "Look, Captain, I know I crossed a line. I shouldn't have questioned you."

"Save it, Liv," Cragen's voice was harsh, and then suddenly softened, "That's not why I called you in here."

"Oh," Olivia responded quietly, "then why?" She raised an eyebrow, waiting for her captain's response. Her stomach tied in a knot as she felt her captain's eyes on her. What had she done?

"Er, Olivia, I don't know how to say this exactly, but have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I beg your pardon?" Olivia raised a brow, wondering where he was going with this. She placed her hand on her forehead. Her hands were clammy, and a roll of sweat dripped down her forehead.

"So, I take it no. Liv, come here," Cragen said quietly. He pulled a hand-held mirror out from inside his mirror. _Why does Cragen have a mirror like that? _Olivia thought. Surely it wasn't for doing his hair! Nonetheless, Olivia examined her face with the mirror, but it wasn't her face that Cragen was talking about. Olivia soon saw why Cragen had called her into the office, and it was her worst fear. The round red mark on her neck was more than visible. It was clear as day. _He hadn't even sucked that hard! _Olivia thought, but apparently he had sucked hard enough. She felt like a fool. Here she stood, a grown adult, with a visible hickey on her neck of all places! This was something that teenagers found cute. She was too old to have hickeys on her neck. It was unprofessional and childish.

How long had it been since the make-up had worn off? Nick and John had noticed. Was that why Nick had been questioning her so much? Had it really had nothing to do with him going through her phone at all? He'd seen the mark, and immediately known that she'd been with someone. He had no idea who, though. Olivia was just more surprised that John and Nick had not made more obvious jokes at her. Nonetheless, she was thankful that Cragen had been the one to point it out to her, instead of Munch or Nick. Especially Nick.

"Oh, Captain, I'm sorry. You have no idea how embarrassed I am…"

"Liv, don't apologize. I'm not going to ask questions, but I can't have you on the job with it. Go find yourself a scarf or a turtle neck, but I'm sending you home until it's taken care of. Let me know when you're ready to return, okay?"

She wasn't about to argue, but the first thing on her list to do was to kill Brian. _I'm going to fucking kill that bastard, _she thought. How could he do this to her? She'd told him not to leave marks, but for some reason he took pleasure out of it.

"I'm not even going to fight you," she responded, covering her neck with her hand as she left Cragen's room. She tried not to make eye contact with Nick or John, but she couldn't help to notice the smirk on Munch's face.

She began heading toward the elevator.

"Wait, where's she going?" she heard Nick ask.

"Home, I'm guessing. Damn, maybe I should go get myself some love bites so I can get sent home," Munch commented when Olivia was still within earshot. She clasped her fists together tightly as she entered the elevator.

As soon as she was out of the precinct, she grabbed her phone and dialed Brian's number.

"Ello?" she wasn't surprised that he answered, but that didn't mean he wasn't at work. He always answered his phone.

"Brian Cassidy, I am going to murder you!" she cried into her phone.

"Jeez, Liv, what'd I do now?" she heard his sigh through her receiver.

"Are you at work?" she asked, avoiding the question.

"No, I'm at my apartment. Why? What's going on, Liv?"

"Oh, you know that little, uh, present you left on my neck this morning?" she asked, irritably. She heard him laughing through the receiver. "It's not funny, Brian! Cragen sent me home. I'm sorry if my job requires a little more professionalism than Narcotics. Plus, we're fucking over forty. We're not teenagers."

"And that's a _bad _thing, Liv? Take a chill pill. It's really not that big of a deal. Hey, since Cragen sent you home, you should utilize your time well. C'mon over."

"If I'm coming over, you're dead, you do realize that?"

"Well, what kind of dead are we talking about, Liv?"

"Really, Brian, really?"

"So, are you coming over or not?"

"I'll be there in twenty," she sighed, ending the call before Brian could say another word. She knew that Brian had grown up quite a bit since their last encounter. However, he still had his boyish tendencies. Then again, did men ever fully grow up? She cared about him deeply, and she enjoyed his company. She believed he cared about her, but sometimes she didn't know. Her job had always been her number one priority, and she'd spent so many years focusing only on her. She hadn't had to worry about anyone else after her mom died. Yeah, she'd worried about Elliot, but he was gone now. There wasn't anyone else she needed to take care of but herself. But now she had Brian in her life, and everything was different. Their relationship hadn't required too much effort, really. They were both career orientated, and they spent time together when they could. The sex was amazing, and there was no question about it. Brian was by far the best sexual relationship she'd had with a man. He understood her better than any guy she'd been with, so why did she have doubts? It was little things like him leaving a mark on her neck that bothered her. She knew it was stupid, and she wasn't going to break up with him over it. She was sure about to give him a piece of his own medicine, though. _The problem is he'll like that too much_, she realized, sighing and rolling her eyes. _Men: _can't live with them, can't live without them.


	6. Chapter 6

She breathed slowly as she approached Brian's apartment door, which she knew would be unlocked. Brian always unlocked the door when he knew she was coming over. Then, once she was inside, he locked the door. Olivia insisted he was brave for leaving the door unlocked, even if it was for a short amount of time.

Her door was never unlocked for a moment when she was home alone. But that was the difference between being a man and a woman. Olivia always dead-bolted her door, even on the nights Brian was with her. Though, having Brian in bed next to her did give her a sense of security. She'd been a decorated member of the NYPD for over twenty years. She knew how to protect herself, and she'd gone years without having a man by her side. However, after her near-rape-experience at Sealview, she'd realized that she couldn't always protect herself. There were bad people in the world, and she could only do so much.

She kept a straight face as she turned the handle of Brian's door. She opened the door to find Brian sitting on the couch watching an episode of Cold Case. Olivia shook her head. She couldn't stomach to watch police shows. She saw enough in the real world. Brian, however, always watched crime shows when she wasn't with him. One of his favorites was Cold Case, and he liked to tease that Nick looked like Scotty Valens.

He switched the television off immediately as she entered the room. He turned around, still sitting on the couch, and smirked at her. Olivia kept a straight face, glaring back at him with a stern look.

"What's so funny?" she raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.

"Oh, nothing…" he raised a brow; she could tell he was trying to hold back a laugh. He stood and walked toward her. His eyes were centered on her neck. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and carefully inspected her neck. "Damn, I did a good job."

"Oh, shut up," she rolled her eyes, slapping his ass.

"You want to play rough, eh?" he seductively whispered, running his hands down her waist and placing his hands on her ass.

"Cassidy, you ass," she hissed back.

"Have I ever told you that you're incredibly sexy when you're mad, Olivia?" he said with a wide smile on his face.

She gazed harshly at him, keeping her straight face. She released a sigh. Brian always knew how to woo her into bed, and she knew where this was going. Was she really that easy? She raised her right eyebrow, "Oh, you think you're going to get away with this that easy, huh?" She laughed softly and gave him a slight evil grin.

"You're even sexier when you're scheming," Brian insisted, kissing her forehead. He stroked his fingers down her waist, and worked his hands under her shirt, gently touching her stomach. She released a soft moan with his gentle touch. No one knew how to touch her like Brian. He lightly kissed her lips. "You still mad?" he whispered.

"Very," she whispered back, smirking.

"Well, we can take this into the bedroom, if you'd like?" Brian offered, releasing her from his arms and locking the door behind her.

Olivia could not help but snicker. "I couldn't think of a better place to solve this myself," she agreed, grabbing his hand and allowing him to lead her into the bedroom. He lifted her off the ground and tossed her onto the bed. He removed his shirt and soon was on top of her. He began unbuttoning her pants, and slid them off the bed. His mouth covered her lips, and their tongues intertwined. Her lips slowly moved to his face and eventually his neck, where she sucked on his flesh. The taste of Brian's skin filled her mouth. She ferociously dug her teeth into his neck, biting like she'd never bit before. He released a loud moan; she'd always known he liked it rough, but they normally didn't get too rough because it generally made Olivia uncomfortable. Now, she wanted to leave marks and lots of them.

They shifted positions, and she was on top of him. She closed her eyes as she bit into his collar bone and he released a loud groan. Olivia felt his erection through his jeans against her leg. She dug her fingernails into his jeans, sliding his pants and underwear off. It'd been so long since she'd done this for him, and she saw the hint of hope in his eyes. She closed her eyes and her mouth covered his head. She lightly licked his head, his most sensitive spot. Satisfaction rushed through her veins as he released a moan. He rarely moaned when they were together; she was the loud one.

He was incredibly large; the largest she'd ever had. Her gag reflex wouldn't allow her to deep throat, but she gave it her all. She placed her hand on his shaft and began pumping him into her mouth. She placed her hand on his leg and felt him tensing.

"Oh, GOD!" he release a loud. "FUCK, LIV, FUCK! I'm not gonna be able to lassssst…"

She moved her mouth faster, continuously beating her tongue against his head.

"FUCK!" he screamed. "Liv, baby, stop now or I'm gonna come…"

He knew that she didn't like it when he came in her mouth, but she didn't care right now. She removed him from her mouth, gazing into his eyes. "Baby, I want you to finish inside me. Come in me."

"Are you sure?" he asked, seemingly surprised.

"I'm sure," she said, nodding her head, and she continued circling her tongue around his head. She covered his dick with her mouth and began quickly pumping him with her mouth again. It was only moments before the warmth entered her mouth. He fell out of her. She choked as the warm tasteless liquid overflowed from her mouth, covering her face. She tried to swallow as much as she could, but so much had already ended up all over her face.

Brian was laughing. "Hey, I asked if you were sure."

Once she'd caught her breath, she sighed, "And I wanted to try it. I'd never done it."

"I know you had never done it. Hey, you know sperm supposedly prevents breast cancer?"

"Um, good to know, but I don't think I'm going to make a regular diet of it," Olivia shook her head.

"Let me get you a tissue," Brian said, reaching across the bed and handed her a tissue. "There you go."

"I think I'll need more than one," she said, taking the tissue and wiping her face. The tissue was drenched. He handed her the box, and she grabbed a handful and wiped her face of the come. She tossed the tissues in the garbage basket next to Brian's bed and then fell on top of his warm naked body.

"So, are you still mad?" he asked, stroking her hair and rubbing her unclothed back.

"I'm better now, I think," Olivia said, observing the dark red marks on Brian Cassidy's neck. "Damn," she said out loud.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh, you'll see later," Olivia laughed, running her tongue over the bite marks on his neck.

"Great, I can't wait," Brian sighed. "But I guess I deserved it, and I'm not complaining…unlike someone. God, Liv, I wish you'd play like that more often."

"I have to say, it was fun," Olivia admitted. "I like being the biter, not so much the bitee, though."

Brian sighed, "Though, I have to confess, for a minute I was wondering if you were going to bite my dick off."

Olivia laughed, burying her face into his chest. She kissed his collar bone and asked, "How mean do you think I am?"

"I don't know, but the way you were tearing up my neck and chest, I had to wonder. Plus, I know you're not a huge fan of giving oral."

"Well, now that you mention it…"

"Don't even," he said sternly, lifting her off him and slamming her into the soft mattress. His lips caressed her breast, and he gently sucked on her nipple. His hands ran down her torso as she released a soft moan. Her body tingled, waiting for him. He moved his hands down her hips and lifted her legs off the ground.

"Oh, baby," she moaned. "Bri, fuck me, fuck me hard like you never have."

He grabbed onto her legs, and she felt his finger inside. "Wet, are we?" he smiled with satisfaction. She moaned loudly as he began thrusting into her like he never had before. _Faster, faster, _she thought, as her head spun and the pleasure built inside her body. His speed quickened and the tingling sensations throbbed throughout her veins.

"FUCK, BRIAN, FASTER, HARDER!" she cried, as he continued to exert force into her. The bed shook in the earthquake as her head did circles. He began to slap her ass and she let out a cry. She couldn't believe she was letting him do this; she'd never trusted a man like this before. Men had tried to go rough with her before, but she had freaked out. She was completely comfortable with Brian at this moment. The tension tightened her body, and her body throbbed as she experienced the most intense orgasm of her life.

Her head was still spinning when Brian lay down beside her.

"How was that?" he whispered in her ear.

"It was fucking amazing," she admitted, still trying to catch her breath.

"Well, there's plenty more where that came from," he said. "You just always want to go slow and gentle."

"There's nothing wrong with change every now and then," Olivia agreed.

"Well, then, you might need something to protect you from Mayhem like me," Brian teasingly whispered in her ear.

* * *

**Author's Note: ****I'm sorry if the smut sucks. I'm still getting used to writing it. **


	7. Chapter 7

She felt so secure with his warm, strong arms wrapped around her. Olivia snuggled closer to Brian and reflected on their relationship. Over the past few months, they had come so far. Olivia had never let another man touch her like she allowed Brian to touch her. Whenever another man had tried to play rough with her, she had pushed them away. After what had happened at Sealview, Olivia had become incredibly sensitive to touch. David had been the first man she had slept with since the attack. Though, David had always been so gentle with her. Olivia had never opened up about Sealview with David.

Olivia had told Brian things she hadn't told anyone else. He knew the gory details of her Sealview attack. He knew all about her mother and her father. All and all, Brian knew her inside and out, and she wasn't ashamed when she was around him. He never showed any judgmental signs. Instead, he embraced her past.

"Bri," she whispered softly in his ear.

"Yes, babe?" he answered back.

"I love you," she said and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you, too, Liv," he whispered in her ear. The warmth from his breath caused a tingling sensation to travel throughout her body.

"You know what, Brian?" she asked, coming to a realization. He lifted a brow. "You're the first man I've ever said those three words to. Period."

"You're the first woman I've ever said those words and meant it," he said, smiling warmly back at her. He planted a soft kiss on her cheek. _So, he's said it to other women, _she thought. She tried to push that little thought out of her mind.

"Bri, promise me something," she whispered, swallowing the hard lump in her throat.

"Anything for you, baby," he insisted.

Her heart pace quickened, as she formed the words she wanted to say to him. He had no idea how terrified she was of losing him. It seemed whenever she trusted someone whole-heatedly and completely, they would abandon her. "Promise you'll never leave me," she mouthed. She rubbed her palm his chest and felt his chest hair against her hand.

He placed his hand over hers, and their fingers locked together. She observed his half-amputated thumb. A few years ago, Brian had contracted an infection and had needed half of his thumb amputated along with two of his toes. It'd been the first thing she'd noticed that was different about him when they'd slept together for the first time in thirteen years. She hadn't said anything, though. In fact, the topic wasn't brought up until after Brian had been shot. He'd asked her why she didn't ask him about it, and she'd told him that she expected that he'd tell her when he was ready. It's not like it changed how she felt about him. He could have no fingers or toes, and she would love him just the same.

"Liv," he tightened his grip on her hand. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I've waited over thirteen years for this. For you. As long as you never leave me, I'm not going anywhere." There was a sense of uncertainty in his voice, and Olivia wasn't sure why.

"Why do you think that I would leave you, Bri? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You couldn't have returned into my life at a more perfect time. Fourteen years ago, I wasn't ready for you. We weren't ready for each other," Olivia assured him.

"Maybe you're right," Brian said softly, "but I can't help but worry that one of these days that you're going to wake up and realize I'm not good enough for you. I mean, I wasn't good enough for you then."

Olivia widened her eyes and raised herself over Brian. Their hands remained interlocked as she swung her leg over him and sat on top of him. She looked down on him and reached for his other hand. She caressed his hands with her soft hands, and formed his hands into a fist. She kissed his knuckles and said, "Brian, that's not going to happen. I was young and silly, and couldn't see what was in front of me then. Now, we're both older and more mature. There's nobody more perfect for me than you." He gazed lovingly back at her, speechless.

She knew he had doubts, as had she. It was their doubts the held them back. They were in love, but they'd both been hurt so many times before. How could you set your past aside and focus solely on the present? Each person was different. Each relationship was different. Olivia knew that she needed to stop comparing Brian to all the rest. She was finally happy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this happy. Losing him was her biggest fear. She couldn't push him away.

She leaned over and kissed his lips; their tongues intertwined, as she ran her tongue over his wet tongue. She licked his lips and breathlessly moved her lips down his face and neck. She kissed his bruises lightly, and he laughed.

"Haven't you done enough damage to my neck?" he asked; she saw the wide smile on his face through the corner of her eye.

"Payback's a bitch," she said, kissing his forehead. She felt his erection pressing against her leg, and she was surprised he was ready for a third round. Usually they were lucky to get two rounds in. He lifted her off him and threw her into bed. He lifted her legs, gripped tightly onto her legs and began thrusting into her hard and fast. _"_Ooooh," she moaned. "Ooooh, Bri! Harder! Harder! Harder! Fuck, Bri!" He quickened his pace, panting breathlessly on top of her. Her head was spinning and her muscles tensed as she approached her second climax of the afternoon. Tears of pleasure drenched her already sweaty face. They were both breathing heavy as Brian finished inside her and fell on top of her as they both caught their breaths. The room reeked of sex.

He kissed her wet forehead, and she didn't want this moment to end. She closed her eyes. _This is perfect, _she thought, knowing she could lie with Brian all day. It wasn't about the sex. It was about being with him. About being close to him. He was perfect. They were perfect for each other.

She opened her eyes and observed Brian's neck, then giggled like a thirteen-year-old girl.

"Oh, Bri, I'm sorry," she said.

"What for?" he asked, seemingly clueless.

"Your neck," she laughed.

He removed himself from her and pushed himself off the bed, then ran into the bathroom. Olivia waited. It was only seconds before she heard a scream. She swallowed, pushing herself off the bed. She threw her shirt on and met Brian in the bathroom, where he stood naked. His eyes were wide as he stared at himself in the mirror. Olivia's eyes directed to his brutalized neck. He looked like he'd been in a bad fight with a stray dog. The bite marks were evident as the bruise gushed with redness.

She smiled fiendishly as his eyes directed to her.

"I can't believe you did this!" he cried.

"You made it sound like you didn't care anyway," she insisted, inching closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. "I think you'll be just fine."

"No shit?" Brian cried. "The guys at work are gonna think…"

"Welcome to my world," she patted his back with a wide grin on her face.

"But, Liv, we're not fifteen…" He met her stern gaze and he sighed. "Gotcha. Won't happen again."

"Good," she smiled. "Now, I don't know about you, but I think I need another shower."

"Is that an invitation?" Brian said with hope in his voice.

"Take it or leave it," Olivia shrugged. She pulled two towels from her cupboard and set them on the bathroom counter. She removed her shirt and tossed it on the floor. She wasn't sure why she'd put it on, but she'd always been uncomfortable with walking around her apartment completely naked; even when she was completely alone.

She turned the knob to the shower, and the warm water gushed out of the faucet. She and Brian took turns washing each other. Olivia's skin tingled as Brian rubbed the soap suds all over her body. She quivered when his hands ran over her breasts. She stared into his kind eyes and he planted a kiss on her lips. Then, it was her turn to wash him. They carefully switched positions in the shower, and she watched the water soak Brian's dark brown hair. She began scrubbing his back, she grinned as she ran her fingers down his lower back, and then her hands landed on his ass. She snickered, giving his ass a quick pinch.

"Hey! I didn't do that to you," Brian gasped.

She laughed, and then she proceeded to wash the rest of his body.

Once they were clean, for the second time that day, Brian and Olivia exited the shower and each grabbed a towel. That's when she heard her cell phone's ring tone. She remembered that she'd left her cell phone in her pants pocket.

"If it's not déjà vu all over again," Olivia murmured. Her parties were always rained on with a phone call. Hours had passed since she'd left the precinct. She hadn't technically been sent home for the day, though no one had specifically said when she had to be back. It wasn't like her to skip out on work, so she suspected they all knew something was up. Should she care? She'd taken her phone out of her pocket just in time before it hit voicemail. Her hair was still soaked, so she was careful not to get her phone too close to her head.

"Hey, Liv, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Munch's voice filled her ear. "Though, I'll admit I was expecting you back at the precinct by now. Who's the lucky guy to be graced with your presence?"

She glanced over at Cassidy as her face reddened. "Please tell me you didn't call to pry into my personal life, Munch," she said. She saw Brian's eyes widen as she mentioned his former partner.

"Actually, I didn't. I called to tell you that Warner has forensics back on the hand. We got a match. You're never going to guess who it is…"

**Author's Note: I'm sorry that it's been ages since I've updated this story! Apparently, I started this chapter back in May and totally forgot about it. "Her Negotiation" and now "Surrender Benson" have consumed most of my summer thoughts. That's part of the reason I decided to update this. I wanted something a little more...happy...to write that involved Bensidy. So, who do you think the hand belongs to? I'll confess I'm still debating between a couple people, but it's definitely someone we know. :) Give me your guesses in review.**


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